Dear Children,

This is the story of a homecoming to Ithaca, that I read long ago. Some say that the book I read was written by Princess Nausikaa herself - but I can't find it in the bookshops anymore. This is all that I can remember .......

Book 1

Once there was a goddess called Athena, who lived with her brothers and sisters in a beautiful palace in the sky. Her father was a sky-god called Zeus, and her mother was a sky-goddess called Hera, so their palace floated in the sky, way above the highest mountain in Greece (which is called Olympos) and way above the clouds, where the sun is always shining and it never rains - not even when it is raining down on earth. (If you go up in a plane, you can see that this is true. But you won't see their palace, because the gods are invisible unless they want to show themselves).

Zeus was the chief sky-god in Greece, so he had charge of the weather. What he liked best was when it was time to gather up the big, black thunder clouds over Mount Olympos, and throw down the lightning. When all the flashes and bangs went off at once, Zeus was as happy as a child with fireworks. His wife didn't like all the noise, so she made sure that he also gave the people down below some fine weather for their crops and animals - because Hera was in charge of family life.

Most of the gods had big families just like the people in those days, so Athena was never short of brothers and sisters and cousins and uncles and aunts to play with. But she also liked sometimes just to be on her own, thinking deep thoughts. Because Athena was interested in a lot of things: in people, in animals, and especially in new ways to make things. It was Athena who first taught the Greeks how to make tasty foods from bitter olives, and how to weave fine fabrics from gossamer threads. And whenever she found something interesting, she would wonder why. Right now she was wondering about her sister, Aphrodite: why did Aphrodite so often cause trouble, when she was such a charming girl that never meant any harm? Athena was wondering and pondering out in the garden, in her favorite spot, sitting right on the very edge of the floating palace, with her feet dangling over empty space, and looking down at the clouds far below her. They were huge, dark clouds, driven by a mighty wind and split by violent thunderbolts.

"I suppose Daddy has invited uncle Poseidon to come and help him stir up a really colossal storm over land and sea. Well, as long as they're happy ...."

But, all of a sudden, she thought:

"....What about Odysseus?! What if he's still at sea, on his little wooden ship - in a violent storm like that?"

And once again she wondered about her beautiful, lighthearted sister, and why "Aphrodite" seemed to be just another way to spell "trouble".

Book 2

The story so far: The goddess Athena was looking down from her palace in the sky when she saw a great storm over the sea. She worried about the safety of her human friend, Odysseus, who was sailing home in his little wooden ship. Odysseus had been far away from his family for twenty years fighting against the Trojans and having all sorts of adventures with monsters, giants and witches. But all that long, lonely time he was longing only to be back home so that he could hug his wife and child. Now at long last he was sailing home; it would be a tragedy if Odysseus were to drown when he was so close to kissing his family for the first time in twenty years. So Athena thought she ought to fly down to see if he were safe.

Athena hurried back to the palace to put on the special sandals with wings, that she used for flying down to earth.

"Mother, have you seen my winged sandals?" she asked Queen Hera.

"No dear. But why didn't you put them on the shoe rack? How many times must I remind you girls? If you kick your shoes off all over the palace how do you expect to find them?".

"Thank you, mother, now I know where to find them". And Athena dashed off to the great hall with its gleaming marble floor. Hera knew her daughters: when they came home on a hot day, Athena and her sisters just loved to kick off their sandals and feel the cool, smooth stone floor with their bare feet. With one swift motion Athena found her sandals and bound them on her feet and bounded out of the palace and dived right off the edge of Olympos, straight down through the clouds.

"Where are you off to, Thene?" shouted Hera.

"I'm going to ask father something about that storm down there".

"Remind him to come home for lunch. There's a special today: the mortals are preparing to sacrifice a whole ox - not just chicken. Grilled beefsteak: its his favourite aroma".

(You see, the sky gods didn't actually eat; they just lived off the smell of roast meats and cereals, with a little wine from the mortals and a delicious drink of their own make, called Nectar, plus a health supplement called Ambrosia for godlike power).

"I'll remind him, Mother" shouted Athena, as she dived down through the clouds.

There was her father Zeus riding bareback on a storm-cloud. It was a big black cloud, bucking wildly while he shouted

"Yippee!"

and blasted thunderbolts all over the sky. With him was her uncle Poseidon, god of the sea, surfing on a huge tsunami, and stirring the water into a white froth with his mighty trident. The two chief gods were definitely letting off steam.

But in between sea and sky, Athena noticed that something was wrong with the wind. Normally, only one wind at a time blows up a storm. Sometimes it is the North Wind, blowing ice-cold grey sleet. Sometimes it can be the South Wind, warm and wet. Or it can be the West Wind, who comes from far over the sea, driving the long rolling breakers that surfers love. Or it can be the East Wind, who is dry and bright, and blows back the blue waves in a fine white spray, so that the whole sea looks like a plain of white horses. But this storm was strange: all the winds were blowing at once, making the most incredibly loud howling noise. East Wind battled West Wind, and North Wind battled South: the winds were trading blows face to face, and yelling at each other. The poor waves were buffeted in between the giant winds. The high rollers reared up like frightened horses, then came crashing down on the coast. Round and round the winds chased each other, catch as catch can, in a whirling cyclone that sucked up the sea into a huge, high water spout.

"Father Zeus!" shouted Athena above the howling gale "What in Heaven's name is happening?"

"Beats me, my darling daughter. I'm only god of the sky. Winds are underneath the sky. They don't report to me".

"Hi, uncle Poseidon, do you know what's happening?".

"Cant say, Thene. I'm only god of the sea. Winds are above the sea. They don't report to me".

"Typical!" grunted Zeus "How am I supposed to control the weather if they've assigned the winds to Aeolus? That's just typical of the organization in this whole impossible Universe!"

(You see, the wind blows in the air, but it has a twisty, snaky tail, so it can't be controlled by a sky god. Only the ancient earth-gods know how to control the snake-tailed winds. The earth gods came in the time of the dinosaurs, long before the sky gods, and they live in caves and holes in the ground, like snakes and lizards and worms and other wriggly things. The earth gods aren't as noble as the sky gods, and they don't look so handsome, but they know a lot of things that the sky gods don't know. The earth gods know about the dark places under the earth and where rich mines are buried; they also know the dark places of the heart and the secret treasures of the heart. In fact, the earth gods know the secret power behind all twisty, crooked, jagged things. They even know why Zeus's own lightning bolts must always fly crooked and jagged, however hard Zeus tries to straighten them. Which is why Zeus had a healthy respect for the earth gods, even though they controlled some things that really belonged in Zeus's territory (or so Zeus thought). The winds were controlled by an earth god called Aeolus, who lived in a cave called The Cave of the Winds. Athena could see Aeolus flying over the sea far away, coming to corral his runaway winds.

Athena wanted to ask Aeolus if he had seen Odysseus's boat, but she didn't want her father to be around when Aeolus arrived. So she said to Zeus:

"Mom asked to remind you that the mortals are going to sacrifice an ox at midday".

"Ah, lunch!" exclaimed Zeus. "About time. This workout has given me an appetite. Will you join us for lunch, Pos? Aroma of roast ox washed down with vintage nectar?"

So Zeus and Poseidon flew away to Olympos. As they left, the storm clouds began to clear. Patches of light blue sky gleamed between the white clouds, and the grey waves began to turn dark blue under the white surf. Meanwhile, Aeolus had caught the last strong wind by its tail, swiftly rolled it up into a little ball (just like rolling up a ball of wool) and stuffed it into his big leather windbag, together with all the other big winds. The imprisoned winds heaved and squirmed, but once Aeolus had bagged them, they just couldn't get out. He left free only a gentle warm breeze, that soon would dry things again. Aeolus was lanky and skinny and plain as as a broomstick. He wore a scrubby black beard (just like Abe Lincoln). But when it came to handling a windbag, he was nimble as old Abe gathering the vote in the senate.

Suddenly he heard a beautiful voice calling:

"Aeolus, Aeoooloos!?"

Here I am, Princess Athena."

"Aeolus, while you were flying over the sea and rounding up those stampeding winds, did you by any chance notice a ship that carried Odysseus?"

"Notice it! I'll say! Odysseus and his pesky ship caused all the trouble. That's the last time I try to help a mortal."

"What happened, Aeolus?"

"Well, Odysseus came to visit me, friendly like. You know how few visitors I get, back at the Cave of the Winds, so I was glad of the company. After a while, he told me some sob story about how badly he needed a good wind to blow his ship back home, because he hadn't seen his family in twenty years. I couldn't keep the tears from my eyes, listening to all his troubles."

Athena couldn't help smiling. Odysseus was a skillful con man - but this time he was trying to get out of trouble by telling the truth: that's why she liked him.

Aeolus continued: "Well, I liked him because no other other mortal ever dared visit the Cave of the Winds. Also he was very good company, spinning lots of yarns about his adventures. So I gave him my best wind for sailing to Ithaka. I stuffed all the other winds in my big leather windbag, closed it up tight, and told him to never untie the bag until his ship was safely home.

With my good wind in its sails, Odysseus's ship skimmed like a swift bird over the dark blue waves. Almost all the time he kept awake to guard my bag, which was heaving and squirming with all the winds wriggling to get out. But at last his eyes grew heavy, and he nodded off to sleep. While he was sleeping, some of his crew tiptoed over to the bag, and opened it because they thought it might be holding loot, and they wanted to see their share. Well, they got their share alright, and more than their fair share - of trouble! You know the rest. That's the last time I try to help a human. It's just impossible to stop them from poking into things that they don't understand and can't control."

"Where is the ship now, Aeolus?"

"It was broke up by the storm they let loose. And all the crew are drowned - except Odysseus. He's swimming for his life near the island of Phaecia."

"Bye, Aeolus!"

Swiftly, Athene flew off to find Odysseus. But how could she save him?

Her father, Zeus, King of the of the Sky, was fed up with all the trouble that human beings were causing down on earth. He had forbidden the sky gods to help any mortal.

Book 3

The story so far: Athena has learnt that Odysseus's ship was wrecked by a great storm when his men foolishly opened the Bag of the Winds. Now they are all drowned; only Odysseus is still alive, swimming as hard as he can. Athena flies to the island of Phaecia - but how can she save him? Father Zeus has forbidden sky gods to help humans any more.

Athena skimmed over the sea, and found Odysseus battling to stay alive among the huge waves that were battering the rocky shore of Phaecia. By now the only wind was a gentle breeze, and the sun shone warmly in a blue sky - but giant breakers were still sending up tall walls of white spray as they swept up to shore and crashed angrily against the massive, jagged rocks. Have you been on a Mediterranean beach that was protected with a wave-break? On your side, a fine sandy beach where you can play quietly in the sunshine; but on the other side you can see white spray thrown up where waves are crashing against its rocky wall. Because the wind and the sea are like two different persons. The wind is like a little girl who gets cross very easily when you tease her - but she soon starts laughing again. The sea is like a big, heavy, old man (like Athena's uncle Poseidon). Poseidon becomes cross very slowly, but then he sulks and shows his bad temper for days - even when everybody else is smiling. Do you know somebody like that?

So there was Odysseus, swimming for his life, with a wall of foaming white surf and jagged rock between him and the beach. He tried clinging to the rock, but the surf was too strong: it pulled him back into the sea with irresistible force. And as it pulled him back, the waves dashed him against razor sharp rocks, which peeled long strips of skin off his hands, off his knees, off his ribs. He was bruised and bleeding all over, so he turned back to swim away from the wall of rock - to the open sea. But here his first danger returned - drowning! Up till now, Odysseus had managed to stay alive when the rest his crew had drowned, because he was a very good swimmer and knew how to breathe on the water. Every time a wave crashed on top of him, he would shut his mouth; and every time a wave threw him up to the surface, he would take a deep breath. That way he had managed to stay in the water for hours. But now he was becoming tired, and beginning to make mistakes in his breathing. He started to swallow water.

It looked as though Odysseus himself would soon be swallowed - down, down into the hungry gullet of the cruel sea.

How Athena longed to help him!

She could easily have lifted him up and flown him over the wall of rock, then put him down gently on the quiet, sandy beach. She could even have flown him straight home, and destroyed all his enemies. But she respected her father's wishes : if Zeus said that humans must learn to help themselves, he had a good reason - even though she couldn't see it. So Athena watched Odysseus struggle and felt pity - even though she was a goddess and he was just a human. In the same way, some humans feel pity when they see a pet in distress, or even a wild animal's suffering which cannot be helped.

Suddenly, just as Athena was wishing with all her might to save Odysseurs (and secretly wondering whether she should disobey her father) a bright ray of sunlight glittered on top of a wave, and like magic a small rainbow gleamed inside the wild spray. It wasn't the majestic, sky high bow that the goddess Iris lights up when Father Zeus wants to send good news to all mankind. It was just a little mini rainbow - the sort that you can see sometimes if you make a fine spray with a hose on a sunny day. It wasn't Iris nor any of the other sky gods: it was just a little sea-fairy called Ino.

"Ino!" called Athena "What are you doing here?"

"It's my home" replied Ino "But what are you doing here, Athena?"

"Watching that brave man fighting to stay alive in the raging water. And wishing that I could help him"

"If that's all you need to make you feel better, I'll help that human" said Ino.
"I'm not a sky goddess, so I don't need to listen to Father Zeus. In fact, I'm not even a goddess, only a little sea nymph - but my magic is strong enough to keep that human afloat if his body has a heroic soul inside it.

Catch this, Odysseus! Wind it round your breast!"

Like a life guard throwing a life belt, that small nymph of the sea, Ino, threw her shining rainbow belt around Odysseus's chest, then vanished below into her watery home. Immediately, Odysseus felt his heart glow with new strength, and his lungs filled once again with sweet air deeply breathed. He forgot his pain and weariness, and kept doggedly afloat while the hours slowly passed. Sure enough, the waves gradually subsided, like a cross old man who slowly forgets to be angry. All the time, Athena hovered over the sea, watching him fight the waves without being able to help, the way a mother used to watch her sick child fighting a fever, in the days before antibiotics.

Gradually, the waves subsided. Cautiously, Odysseus approached the rocks, and dragged his weary body onto the beach. He unwound Ino's rainbow belt, and threw it back into the waves, uttering a prayer of thanks for such miraculous escape from the cruel sea. By now he was completely exhausted: all he wanted to do was to lie down, kiss the ground and go to sleep for a year. But his head told him:

"Not yet, old boy. You'd be lying on open ground, exposed to enemies or to prowling carnivores. You don't even know what country you're in. You have no passport, no money, no weapons - and gosh! no clothes!"

All his clothes, even the belt with his trusty knife, had been ripped off by hungry waves and sharp rocks. He was completely exposed. So, with one last, desperate effort, Odysseus dragged himself to a grove of thick bushes, burrowed his naked body into the deep leaves, and slept. And slept. And slept.

Seeing that he was safe and sound asleep, Athena returned to Olympos for supper, and pondered. During the night, pieces of a possible plan to rescue Odysseus and return him safely home, began to form in her mind. But the difficulty remained - how to rescue Odysseus without disobeying Zeus by actually helping a human being.

"After all", thought Athena, "one reason I like Odysseus is, that he is a very resourceful man - ready for anything. He is very brave but also very cautious. He never runs away from a fight but he never fights if he can talk his way out of a situation. He loves his home and his wife's good soup - more than all the magic in the world. So, given that he is a man with all these qualities, I think I can make a plan to help Odysseus without actually helping him. Perhaps that's what Father Zeus wants us to do: to help the humans to help themselves?"

Excited by all these thoughts, Athena could hardly wait for Odysseus to wake up and help her to put her plan into action.

Book 4

The story so far: Athena has seen Odysseus land safely on the island of Phaecia. A sea-fairy, Ino, lent him her magic rainbow belt, which buoyed him up with new hope and courage to survive. But now he is an asylum seeker, stranded in a foreign country. He has no friends, no passport, no ID, no money - and no clothes! Odysseus is sleeping nude on the beach. If the police find him, they will put him in jail as an illegal immigrant. Zeus has forbidden the skygods to help the humans. But Athene thinks that what her father really must have meant to say was:

"It's wrong to help mortals with your skygod magic. But it's allright if you only help them to help themselves".

So Athene has decided that her father will not mind if she only helps Odysseus to help himself.

Athene was impatient. Another day had dawned, but Odysseus was still sleeping in a deep, deep sleep of utter exhaustion. He was worn out, and his aching body wanted complete rest.

The sun climbed in the blue heaven. A gentle breeze began to dry the wet leaves, while Odysseus slept. The sun sank over the wine-dark sea, and the warm earth breathed out the smell of fresh-rained earth, while Odysseus slept. The evening star came out, then two more making three stars, then all the stars wheeled round in a jewelled night sky, while Odysseus slept. A crescent moon rose in the East and set again in the West, while Odysseus slept.

And while he slept, his body healed and his spirit was refreshed.

Athene watched her pet human, and curbed her impatience. Like a mother watching her baby sleep, she did not dare to wake him. Athene knew that human beings are not as strong as the gods: we break if you push us too hard. So she curbed her impatience, and waited another day for her pet to wake up and do his stuff.

Meanwhile Athene thought:

"If the police find Odysseus first, they will lock him in a detention centre, far from town, for six months at least. The police will report him as an illegal immigrant: landed secretly, no ship, no papers, no relatives on the island. Suspect he might be a spy or a potential terrorist. Keep him locked up".

"No, no no!" Athene thought, "Odysseus can't afford to hang around a detention center for months or years. He needs to be home by next week - it's urgent!"

"No" Athene thought, "police and local officials are too slow. We must start at the top. Odysseus must meet the King and Queen today. Tomorrow he must get all the top people in this country on his side. Then he must persuade them to send him home in their fastest ship. All in a week! A tall order - but now's the time for Odysseus to show what stuff he's made of."

Another morning began to dawn in the rose-tipped East. Burrowed under his litter of dry leaves, the naked man began to stir. What was Athene doing to help Odysseus this time?

Nothing! Well, not quite nothing - she was thinking hard. Athene had a sort of plan.

She knew that the king of this island was Alkinous - a large, friendly man with white whiskers, like Santa Claus. Alkinous liked nothing better than to sit on his throne watching sports and quaffing his drink like an immortal god. In fact, he was such good company that sometimes Zeus himself , after a hard day at ruling of the sky, would visit Alkinous with a jar of nectar under his arm; and the two old buffers would sit down in comfort and split the jar between them, quaffing their drink and refilling their cups.

They would swap sports stories and other stories and jokes, laughing their way through the night. Now and then they would stop fooling around, and in low, grave voices these two old kings would exchange deep thoughts on the best way to rule - Zeus the whole sky, and Alkinous the little island of Phaecia - but in the end Zeus would think about his wife and their five sons and five daughters, or Alkinous would think about his wife and their one teenage daughter; then, with a sigh, they would agree that it was easier to rule a kingdom then to rule a family. At last, they would each put an arm around the other's shoulder, and bawl out some of the good old songs before staggering home to their beds.

So Alkinous was one of the very few humans who have joshed a god face-to-face, and known the taste of nectar.

His wife was Queen Arete, an excellent and very clever lady - but not just clever. She had bags of common sense. People said:

"Alkinous is King, but Queen Arete runs the country; and she runs it well".

Nobody was poor in Phaecia because Queen Arete said she would not stand to rule over miserable creatures who were worse off than she was. Nobody was rich either, because Queen Arete did her own housework, and couldn't stand people who owned more property than they could manage by themselves.

Everything in Phaecia was neat and clean - even the streets and public places. Before Queen Arete came, people used to nod wisely and say:

"If everyone sweeps their own house, the whole country will soon be clean".

So each family swept their own house - but they all swept their garbage out into the street, or dumped it in the countryside. There were very few garbage collectors, and they were poorly paid. People used to caution their children:

"Study to get ahead! If you don't, you may end up as a street sweeper!"

Then Queen Arete came along, and cried out:

"The whole country is the King's house. I will not stand for my husband living in a dirty house! Where are the street sweepers!?"

She let school children off homework if they would go out in the afternoon with a plastic bag - and she made the schools award extra marks for children who came back with the the fullest bags. So now Phaecian parents encourage their children:

"Study - and you might even become a street sweeper!"

Queen Arete was called "Queen Clean" because she was always talking about Clean Streets, Clean Water and Clean Air. When her friends used to talk about the latest medical discovery, she would say:

"That's all very well - but clean water and clean air are worth more than all the medicines in your book".

She persuaded King Alkinous to install the latest invention in the Royal Palace - flush toilets. Soon, every house in the little island of Phaecia had plumbing with clean water. As a result, no child in Phaecia died from cholera, or typhoid fever, or typhus, or beri beri, or scurvy, or pellagra, or tuberculosis, or malnutrition. Most other countries had to wait 3,000 years to equal this record - and some aren't there yet.

People who didn't like Arete used to say:

"She's a woman with the mind of a man".

This was usually said by crooks, who were afraid of her. Nobody could con Arete, and very few tried. When shady politicians and businessmen got together to cook up some crooked deal, like Enron or whatever, Arete was sure to hear of it - because she talked to everybody, and everybody talked to her. As soon as Arete heard of some shady business brewing, King Alkinous would summon the crooks to court, and Arete would begin to question them in public. Rather than face her, the conmen preferred to sail away from Phaecia, and prowl around for suckers in some easier country.

There are very few Queen Aretes, and Odysseus was lucky to land in her country. But how did he come to meet her and King Alkinous? Well, they had one teenage daughter, called Nausikaa. And that very morning, just as Odysseus was waking up, and Athene was thinking hard how to save him, Nausikaa also woke up suddenly. It was much too early - through her window she could see only the faintest rosy tint in that pale grey dawn sky. But a lively dream had woken her. She dreamed that she was back at school. She seemed to hear her favorite teacher - Miss Angela - saying:

"Now, now, Nausikaa! Rise and shine! It's going to be a lovely day. This is no time to lie abed dreaming".

That's what Miss Angela said, in Nausikaa's dream.

She also said:

"Tch! Tch! Just look at all your clothes in that laundry basket. Suppose somebody invites you to a party - you won't have a clean thing to wear! Your friend Phoebe is in the same fix - why don't you two girls get together?".

Nausikaa and her best friend, Phoebe, went to a very good school. There they were taught to speak nicely, to behave with consideration for others, to play games with vim and vigour, to think clearly and to do good deeds. She was popular at school - and not only because she was the princess. Nausikaa wasn't beautiful and she wasn't plain - but she was fun. She had her father's good temper and her mother's good sense. She never tried to boss anybody, and nobody could boss her.

Her friends' parents used to say:

"Nausikaa certainly dreams up some surprising ideas for a party. But my kids generally have a good time. And they never run wild."

She sat bolt upright as the idea hit her:

"A linen-washing party! That's it! It's going to be a lovely day; my dream told me so. We could go down to the stream by the beach, and wash our clothes in it. (I mustn't forget to wash my blue dress - the one with the swish folds - for Irene's party next week). Then we could have a picnic and fool around on the beach until the clothes are dry. Wait till I tell Phoebe! But how to spring it on the parents? Well,here goes!"

She dressed and then knocked softly on her parents' door.

"What is it, Nausikaa?" they asked sleepily.

"Dear Papa, dearest Mama, it looks like a fine day for washing and drying. Suppose some important visitors arrived suddenly - an ambassador even. What ever would they report if they saw the King of Phaecia wearing a grubby toga? And what about you, Mama? Have you any dirty washing, Mother dear?"

Queen Arete was a little alarmed at the thought of handing her delicate chiffon headscarves and gossamer silk gowns to a group of high spirited girls, but it was her principle to encourage good deeds. So she said:

"Well, dear, you know I always hand wash my own gowns. But I'm sure that Pateros would be delighted to have a clean ceremonial toga."

"Wazzat? Sure, sure, szure, sszzure, ssszzz..." snored the King, as he rolled over and went happily back to sleep.

"Thank you, Mamma, thank you, Papa!"

She kissed her parents and rushed to wake up Phoebe with her surprise idea. But she found Phoebe already awake and dressed. What luck!

"Phoebe! What luck! I've just dreamed up a new idea! My parents have already allowed. Its a ..."

".... a linen washing party" said Phoebe, completing her friend's sentence.
"I had the same dream. And my parents have also agreed".

"Snap!" said Nausikaa. "What an amazing coincidence!"

And Athene, who was standing invisible between the two girls, smiled.

Book 5

The story so far: Athena is helping Odysseus to help himself to return home from Phaecia. She sends a vivid dream to Princess Nausikaa, with a new idea for a beach party. Only Athena knows that Odysseus is sleeping nude in some bushes on the same beach. Now Odysseus will have to persuade the princess and her parents that he is a genuine asylum seeker, and to send him home by their swiftest ship in time to save his family.

Can Odysseus do it? Is he made of the right stuff?

Soon a lively party of girls were chattering gaily on their way to the beach. It was a lovely, sunny Mediterranean morning - warm and dry, with a light breeze that carried the tang of rosemary bushes from the freshly rained earth. Each girl carried a bag of washing, that she had coaxed from her parents (plus her own robe for Irene's party next week). And their backpacks were packed with food, swimming costumes and games.

It was their favorite beach, because a clear, freshwater stream flowed into the sea there, all year round. Tall reeds grew thickly on its banks, and waist high bushes of rosemary. The water ran cool and fresh, even in the hottest days of summer, because its stream was fed by melting snow from the high mountains. The water ran so fast that it swept away all the sand, and the floor of the stream was lined with large, flat pebbles - not sludge like most of the other streams in that hot climate. It was ideal for washing. First, the girls soaked their dirty linen on the floor of the clear stream. Then they danced on it barefoot to shake out the dirt. The girls had great fun splashing all morning in the cool water.

They carefully lifted out each piece of soggy cloth when it was done, and twisted it as hard as they could to wring out the very last drop of water, till every muscle in their arms stood out firmly, and the cloth was just damp to the touch. Lastly, they spread the damp clothes over the rosemary bushes, to dry in the sun and become sweet to the nose. Then they sat down, opened their backpacks, and shared out their picnic treats.

Little did the girls realize that those same thick bushes concealed a forty five year old man - a grim, battle scarred warrior, lying stark naked less than five paces away from where they were sitting! If the girls had seen him they would have screamed and called the police. But cautious Odysseus had buried himself in leaves with his last remaining strength, before he dropped off into deep sleep. He was still dozing blissfully, only half awake, when the girls finished their picnic and began to play.

First Nausikaa and her friends went for dips in the salt waves. There were no showers on this deserted beach, but they could wash the salt out of their hair in the freshwater stream. When they were dry but still nice and cool, they started a game of volleyball - Nausikaa's team versus Phoebe's team. (Phoebe was her best friend). The two teams were very evenly matched, which made for an exciting game. One moment Nausikaa's team would be ahead, the next moment Phoebe's would score. Cheers went up at every point, mingled with yells of triumph and groans of disappointment.

The noise woke Odysseus with a start. In an instant, all his senses were alert for danger. At first he thought the noise must be some wild beasts, then he realized it was only girls having fun.

But who were these people? Greeks or Barbarians? Enemies or friends?

Very cautiously, like a hunter stalking his prey; softly, softly, like a birdwatcher trying not to disturb a rare bird; with hushed quiet, like a mother tiptoing out of the room after singing a lullaby - Odysseus lifted his head above the bushes and peered through his screen of leaves, watching and listening.

These girls were speaking Greek! Good! It meant that he had not landed on some barbarian island. Even better, they spoke an educated Greek - so they must be daughters of good family; people who could help him if he played his cards right. Best of all, he could tell from their accent that they spoke almost the way people spoke in Ithaka. He was close to home!

Cautiously, he raised his head to see better. He took in their clothes, their hairstyles, their jewelry, the confident way they acted: they obviously belonged to some of the most influential families on this island. Especially the one they called Nausikaa; she even seemed to be some kind of princess. He ought to speak to her. But how?

Odysseus was extremely embarrassed without his clothes. If he said the wrong thing, and Nausikaa ran away to tell her parents that a naked man had suddenly approached her out of the bushes, they would have him arrested him for sure. On the other hand, if he did not speak to this princess, he would have thrown away his best chance to influence some influential people on this island.

His situation was critical: he had to make his move now, and it had to be the right move - win or lose.

Invisible behind him, Athena whispered silently:

"Now's your moment, Odysseus. Go for it!"

"I'll go for it" thought Odysseus.

Athena smiled to see Odysseus slowly, slowly poke his head out of the bushes, with his hands up, palms forward to show that he held no weapons. One by one, girls began to notice a smiling face rising slowly out of some nearby bushes. Each girl would nudge her neighbor and point. Soon the volley game stopped - all eyes were on that odd, smiley face. Not a sound was heard. With his leaves in his hair, he looked like some Pan figure, some suntanned nature god rising from sleep, when the deep woods are silent with midday heat.

"Good!" thought Odysseus in the silence "Now I have their attention without scaring them.

That gives me a chance to speak quietly and politely".

He cleared his throat and put on his friendliest face. At this moment Athena couldn't resist the temptation to help Odysseus just a teeny little bit - by making him look younger and more handsome. She covered his bald spot with thick, glossy hair, and smoothed away the wrinkles from his face.

"It's only cosmetic" she thought "Father Zeus won't mind".

"Allright, my girl, it's only cosmetic" growled Zeus, who was watching from Olympus, "but don't do it too often".

The Lady Goddesses, who were also watching, said nothing; but Hera and Aphrodite smiled secretly, because both of them knew that cosmetics have much more power than Zeus could imagine. But they let Athene get away with it, because Hera and Aphrodite were also secretly planning to help their own pet humans later on. Then if Zeus objected, they could say:

"You let Athene do it - why can't I? Do you love her more than you love me?"

(But that's another story. You can read what Hera and Aphrodite got away with later, in a book called "The Aenaid, or Revenge of the Trojans").

To get back to our own story: in olden times, the polite way for a gentleman to address a lady was to start with a deep bow that showed his respect. Odysseus needed to stand up to make his bow. He rose cautiously, carefully screening the lower part of his body with bushes so that nobody could see that he had no pants. The girls gave little gasps as they were confronted with long glossy locks cascading over broad shoulders and muscular biceps; they gasped even more when they noticed the hard, deep ridges of his powerful abdominal muscles. Odysseus bowed, first to all, then especially to Nausikaa, with right hand well spread and fingertips over the heart, in the old fashioned gesture of sincerity.

"Fair goddess..." he began. Nausikaa laughed.

"Good!" thought Odysseus, "At least I've got them laughing". He went on:

"Gracious princess, whom your fair maidens call Nausikaa..." Again Nausikaa laughed; she couldn't help it - his language was so old fashioned and over the top, straight from her mother's book on etiquette.

"What makes you think I'm a princess? And who are you?"

"My name is Nomanios, King's Companion to the late King Odysseus - my beloved master, tragically drowned when last night's great storm wrecked our ship."

Athena thought that Odysseus didn't need to con Nausikaa with that false name, Nomanios - but old habits die hard. Perhaps you also wonder why Odysseus did not give his real name. The reason was, he did not know yet whether he could trust this foreign princess and her father. If he told them that he was the famous Odysseus, they might hold him for a huge ransom (a lot of kings in those days made money by hijacking other kings). So he pretended to be somebody less important. He was now Mr Nomanios KC (King's Companion) a man with a mission - to report the news of King Odysseus's death in a spectacular storm. That way he would stand a better chance of getting home: because newsmen have always been granted special protection and privilege to travel.

He went on pleading, with a sob in his voice:

"I am the only one left alive to tell the tale. Gracious princess, will you help this unlucky veteran of the Trojan war to return to Ithaka, where I can report the sad news of her husband's death to Queen Penelope in person?"

"For that you must ask my father, King Alkinous. "But I can certainly bring you to his court".

"A thousand thanks, gracious princess. However, there is one, ahem, problem: the storm has ripped off all my clothes".

The girls giggled and tried their hardest not to peek through the screen of leaves that covered his penis. Nausikaa laughed lightly: she saw a way to test this stranger. Was he really a King's Companion?

"Clothes will be no problem. By good chance, we happen to have a supply of freshly washed ceremonial court robes, as you may have noticed. Kindly try that
one!" she ordered, pointing to a richly embroidered robe that had been spread to dry on one of the bushes.

"Since you are a KC bringing news of King Odysseus, you must rank as ambassador".

This was a really hard test. The robe she pointed to was a complicated toga with stripes in each of the three sacred colours: red, white and black. Each stripe had to be exactly lined up with its matching colour; otherwise the ambassador would be considered Improperly Dressed, and refused Entry to the Royal Presence. Only a king or a KC would know enough about Court Etiquette to wear such a garment with assurance. (If you have seen a man trying to knot a striped necktie under a starched collar for a formal meeting, you will have a faint idea of the test that Nausikaa had set Odysseus).

The girls turned their backs while he wound the toga round his body (though some of the naughty ones peeked). But all the same, they were prepared: the girls knew that if this smooth talking stranger failed that test - if a single stripe was out of place - Nausikaa was going to give them a secret signal. Then they would all pounce on that foreigner, and hand him over to the police as an illegal immigrant.

"Ready" said Odysseus quietly.

Not a line was out of place.

Indeed, Mr Nomanios KC looked exceedingly distinguished in his fine court clothes.

Off they marched. On the way, Mr Nomanios entertained them with thrilling stories of his fabulous adventures, fighting giants and monsters, as Companion to the famous King Odysseus. (You can read all about them in a book called "The Odyssey").

When they arrived, the palace was patrolled by security guards as usual, with strict orders to search all strangers and check their ID. But when the guards saw Mr Nomanios approaching in his ceremonial robes, chatting amiably with Princess Nausikaa and the Honorable Lady Phoebe, security assumed this must be a VIPI (Very Important Person Indeed); so they saluted while he walked right past them!

Odysseus had now penetrated to the very heart and nerve centre of Phaecia! (With only a teeny bit of cosmetic aid from Athena). If anything could be done to send him home in time to save his family, it would be done here. But could he persuade King Alkinous and Queen Arete? Could he get all the people on his side. And most important of all - could he do it alone?

Athena didn't know. You see, she was a rational sky goddess, so she could predict what was going to happen - if it had a reason. But human beings are not always reasonable. Humankind is made from a stuff that is partly sky, partly earth; and the earth gods have always been twisty and unpredictable. Nobody could tell whether Odysseus was really made of the right stuff. Even the gods would have to wait and see.

"Good girl!" growled Zeus, looking down from Olympos "You've given me and my old friend Alkinous something new to chew over, next time we meet".

Book 6

The story so far: Odysseus has put on a disguise in Phaecia because his adventures have taught him not to trust strangers. He cons Princess Nausikaa that he is Mr Nomanios KC (King's Companion) bringing news that King Odysseus is dead. He has not yet l earned that Phaecia is an honest, kindly country where the best thing is to tell the truth.

Nausikaa promises to take him to her father the king.

Now will he try to con King Alkinous?

Nausikaa said goodbye to her friends, then turned to Odysseus:

"Now Mr Nomanios, you shall take your case to the King; but listen carefully, because this is important."

She whispered in his ear, her nose crinkling prettily:

"The way to my father's goodwill is through my mother's heart."

Then she took Odysseus straight up to the large hall where her father sat on his throne. First she made him a deep curtsy because he was the king; then she kissed his cheek and rumpled his hair because he was her daddy.

"Daddy dear, look who's coming to dinner! This is Mr Nomanios KC. He was in the Trojan War, and he brings you news of King Odysseus."

"Daughter dear, how full of surprises you are! An envoy from the Kingdom of Ithaka - why was his visit not announced in advance? Where are his documents? Where is his ship?

"Don't be so silly, darling Daddy" answered Nausikaa impatiently, "How could Mr Nomanios be announced when we've only just found him?"

"And where, my darling daughter, did you just find him?"

King Alkinous's jaw clenched, because Ambassadors are very well addressed (you must always address an Ambassador as "Your Excellency") so that they can never get lost. That is why an Ambassador can never be "just found".

"On the beach".

Alkinous's jaw tightened, and he spoke through tense lips:

"My dear, innocent daughter, Special Messengers don't just turn up on the beach. They arrive in a flagship with the band playing, and then we roll out the red carpet".

"Papa, don't be so formal! Mr Nomanios has no ship. It was wrecked in the great storm."

She giggled and added:

"He didn't even have any clothes. We had to dress him from head to toe."

Alkinous stared hard. Mr Nomanios was wearing his own best clothes! And looking suspiciously young! The Trojan war had started twenty years ago; this young man must have been a child at that time. How could he have been a Companion of the legendary King Odysseus?

King Alkinous muttered to himself:

"A con man! A baby faced, smooth talking con man!"

As king, Alkinous had a duty to protect his country from suspicious looking foreigners: but this did not worry him, because he had plenty of police to help him. But as a father, Alkinous had a duty to protect his darling daughter from plausible young men; and this worried him a lot, because he had only one other person to help him. So he sent for his wife at once.

Arete came quickly. As queen, Arete liked to meet foreigners (in case she might hear some new thing); and she liked even more to help asylum seekers (because that was a good deed). But as a mother, she liked most of all to find A Suitable Boy for her daughter to marry. So when they brought the message that the King requested the Queen's advice in the case of an asylum seeker, who was young, handsome and possibly well connected, Queen Arete hurried to Court.

The Court held its breath as they waited for Queen Arete to begin one of her famous examinations. Odysseus bowed to the Queen with his best bow, put on his most polite smile, and waited confidently for her to speak. But there followed a long, unnerving silence. Instead of speaking, she slowly examined his glossy new hair, his smooth new face - and then her calm grey eyes looked straight into his eyes.

Odysseus used to boast that he could outface anybody and outsmart anybody - but for the first time in his life he blushed and lowered his eyes, trying to hide the secrets that she was reading on his face.

Athene, whose own grey eyes were even keener than Arete's, laughed to see Odysseus blushing.

"Good!" thought Athene "That man is learning something. He thought he was smart, but now he is up against somebody smarter."

Arete looked into Odysseus's eyes and said to herself:

"Those are not the eyes of a carefree beach boy. Those shrewd, watchful eyes have seen terrible things."

She looked at his hands, and thought:

"Sword scars - those mighty hands have done terrible things".

She decided: "This man has fought many battles. Perhaps he really is a veteran from twenty years ago, even though his face and hair are young. Perhaps he discovered a rejuvenating skin lotion in Troy - the Middle East is full of balsams and medicinal herbs. I must ask him about that later"

Athene's godlike grey eyes peered deep into Arete's brain, and read her thoughts.

"Good!" she whispered into Arete's ear "My cosmetic magic fooled your daughter, but it can't fool her mother".

Arete continued her examination, while Odysseus sweated in silence, and the Court held its breath. She didn't really take long, but to Odysseus it seemed as though he were living through an eternity of embarrassment.

"So, he's not a young beach boy - he's an old soldier. Now I have to find out if he's a real KC or only a cheap con man. First point against him: that disguise. Second point against him: that name. Nomanios. No-man-i-os. No-man-I-is. I-is-no-man. No man. It's a con name!"

Athene laughed, silently and invisibly: Odysseus had tried one of his old tricks, but this time he would better have given his real name. Because Arete knew a lot about Odysseus: she had heard his story from her husband, and her husband had heard it from Zeus himself, who sees all.

"Two points against: false face and false name. Now, are there any points in his favor?"

Arete looked for his good points - because she was a very fair minded person. So she examined his face once again.

By this time Odysseus was really worried. The silence was unnerving. Nobody gave a him a smile; not even Nausikaa, who sat silent and grave on a throne next to the King her father. She was no longer just the playful girl on the beach: she was Princess Nausikaa; and she had brought him to the Royal Court of her ancestors, where her family judged matters of life and death.

For the first time in his life, Odysseus felt really afraid - not for himself, but for what might happen to his family if he couldn't convince these foreigners to help him get home. For the first time, he knew what it was like to feel depression and despair. He felt that everybody was against him. Everything was against him. Fate - that awful force which guides the Universe, stronger than Zeus himself - was against him. For ten years he had been forced to fight in a useless and terrible war, far away from home. For another ten years, the winds of Fate had blown his ship around the Mediterranean, from one strange adventure to another. He began to lose his new strength and hope.

Ino's rainbow magic and Athene's cosmetic magic were wearing off - Odysseus began to feel tired and look old.

Arete's keen eyes read the despair on his face - and it touched her heart. All sorts of people used to come and talk to her with their troubles, because they knew she had a good heart as well as a good head. So Arete had learned how to read faces. She also learnt how to read body language: the way people hold themselves when they are happy or unhappy. She decided:

"That man is unhappy. He doesn't look like a carefree bachelor; he looks like a family man - where, deep in the heart, Care makes her nest. Point in his favor".

That's what her heart told her head; but her head told her heart:

"Now, now, Arete! We mustn't get sentimental. Let me try a test question: does this man know the real facts behind Odysseus and the Trojan War?".

So Arete spoke at last, and all ears leaned forward to hear her first question:

"Mr ..er-.. Noman-ios, all the world knows how your brave King Odysseus helped Great King Agamemnon to desTroy the Axis of Evil. You were there, we were not? Please tell Court, as an eye witness of those glorious events, how King Odysseus and the allies rallied behind Great King Agamemnon's Crusade in the Middle East"

Odysseus was startled. He had expected to be asked about the storm and the shipwreck. He had expected to answer with a sob story about how he had seen King Odysseus drown, and how important it was to tell Queen Penelope the sad news. But instead, Arete had put to him this very tricky question, and he couldn't decide how to answer.

(To really appreciate the background to this question, you will have to wait till the next chapter - Book 7. But for now ..... ).

The question was tricky because it had two answers. One answer was "what everybody knows" - but it was a false answer. The other answer was true - but only a few KCs (and the gods) knew it.

False answer: say what is "public knowledge"; say that the Great King was Leader of the International Community, say that the Allies were happy to join his Crusade, say that he deserved the Peace Prize.

True answer: say that Agamemnon was an incompetent bully who short changed his allies, that the war dragged on because he quarreled with his best general; and worst of all, that Agamemnon had made a human sacrifice to help him win the war.

Odysseus was in a fix. He didn't know if the Phaecians were in on the political secrets of Agamemnon and his Allies.

If Odysseus gave the true answer, the Phaecian public might be shocked; they might even chop off his head for Speaking Treason against the Great King.

On the other hand, if King Alkinous did know the real truth but Odysseus only said what was public knowledge, then Alkinous would think that Odysseus was just an ordinary member of the public - not a real KC.

Either way, Odysseus could blow his best chance of getting home. He was tired, his head ached and he just couldn't think how to con his way out of that fix. He looked at Queen Arete; her calm grey eyes met his, but gave him no sign. He looked at King Alkinous, but Alkinous did not look back at him; the king was happily quaffing a cool beaker of Cephallonian Robolla. Odysseus waited desperately for Athene to whisper some clever plan in his ear. But the invisible goddess remained silent: he had to make the right choice by himself.

Finally he looked at Nausikaa, so innocent and trusting: the girl he thought he had conned so easily into taking him home. He thought of the clean streets of Phaecia, and the happy, confident people that he had seen on the way. And suddenly he realized: Nausikaa hadn't helped him because he had conned her - she had helped him simply because he had needed help, and that was the way they did things here.

So, for the first time in his adventurous life, Odysseus decided to trust a stranger. He simply told the truth ..... ..... ...

"Your Majesty" said Queen Arete "I do believe that Mr ..er..-.. Noman-ios is a real KC".

"In which case, my dear" answered King Alkinous "I invite him to take part in our Olympic Trials tomorrow".

Alkinous was no lawyer, but he was a good judge of form; and he had noticed that Nomanios was in remarkably good physical condition. But why did his wife call him Mr ..er..-..?

"Hooray!" shouted Nausikaa.

"He learns fast" thought Athene "That's why I like him".

"The Mysterious Mr Nomanios" was what the people called him in the cafes, when they went out in the cool of the evening to relax and discuss the day's events.

"What awful things he said against Great King Agamemnon. I thought they'd try him for treason."

"Instead of which, they've invited him for the Olympic Trials. Wonder what event he'll enter?"

"Track event?".

"Naw, he's built for strength, not speed. Bet you it's wrestling".

That night there was feasting and dancing in the tavernas, to celebrate the opening of the Olympic Trials. In the great hall of the palace, a star musician sang songs in honor of the distinguished veteran from Ithaka. And guess what he sang about: "The Adventures of Odysseus". Odysseus hadn't realized that he had become so famous in the past ten years. But Zeus, who sees everything, had related all those amazing adventures to his boon companion, Alkinous; and Alkinous had told some (the ones that he could remember) to his wife, Arete; and Arete had told them to people up and down the country. So in the end, they were made into folk songs. But as Odysseus sat in the great, dark hall, sipping a red Nemean wine with its sun-rich taste of tannin, and listening to those songs, the shapes of stout hearted companions rose in his mind - all dead now, some even left unburied on a lonely shore; and his eyes misted. The king and Queen thought he must be sleepy (which was true) and escorted him up to a comfortable bed in the best guest room.

Odysseus had almost made it - and on his own steam. He had convinced the Royal Family. Now could he get the People on his side? Would they lend him their fastest ship? And if he managed to return to Ithaka, what adventure still lay in wait for him?

With urgent thoughts crowding in on him as he turned restlessly on the soft bed, Odysseus's tired mind seethed and bubbled like a haggis boiling in a cauldron, before he finally drifted off to sleep.

Book 7

The story so far: To convince Queen Arete that he knew real facts behind the Trojan War, Odysseus had to answer her trick question. To understand his answer, you have to know how the war with Troy began.

We go back twenty years, when Odysseus was a young husband of twentyfive, and Penelope was a young wife of twenty, and she had just given birth to her first (and only) baby. It was a boy, and they called him Telemachos (Telly for short). On their little island of Ithaka, Penelope and Odysseus were blissfully happy - but up in Olympos trouble was brewing.

It was all Aphrodite's fault; but she did not mean to cause trouble - it was just her nature.

Aphrodite was flighty.

She was the Goddess of Love, so all day long she thought of nothing but how to make herself look beautiful. She would sit preening in front of her mirror for hours, trying all sorts of lipstick to make her red lips look redder; she would try all different shades of eye shadow to make her blue eyes look bluer; face powder to make her fair skin look fairer; rouge to blush her pink cheeks pinker. She brushed her long blonde hair till the highlights gleamed like gold. Her hair was the feature she liked most. She called it her "crowning glory", and to make it look even prettier she had tried all sorts of headbands. Finally she decided that the simplest suited her best.

"After all" she said "a girl, whose hair is yellower than candle flame, should wear no headband but a garland of fresh flowers"

Aphrodite was by far the most popular goddess on earth: there were statues and pictures of her all over. Aphrodite felt sure that she must be the most beautiful goddess of all; and that started the trouble. Her mother Hera got cross and called her vain; her sister Athena told her not to be such a little silly.

"Flighty Aphrodite, flighty Aphrodite!" sang Athena.

"You're just jealous!" sobbed Aphrodite; and she slammed the great front door as she rushed out of the floating palace of the gods, dived angrily into the clouds and flew down from Olympos to Earth.

To cool off, Aphrodite went for a long walk in the hills of a country called Turkey (which is in the Middle East, between Greece and Lebanon). On a hillside she met a human boy called Paris. His father was the king of Troy, and Paris was herding his father's sheep. She told Prince Paris how jealous her mother and sister were - jealous because she was so pretty.

"They've simply now idea how to dress" she confided to Paris "Athene always wears the same old plain white robe with that clumpy helmet; sometimes she even carries a heavy shield and a sixfoot spear. I ask you - what sort of fashion accessory is that? And Mama is an old frump. Do you know what? Sometimes, when she wants to please papa, she comes and borrows my clothes - because she hasn't a single pretty dress of her own! That's why they're both jealous of me.

"I think you are the most beautiful goddess of all" said Prince Paris - and he meant it.

Aphrodite was so pleased that she promised to give Prince Paris any present he wanted - whatever!

"Gosh! Thank you, Lady Aphrodite!. Can I marry the most beautiful woman in the world?" asked Paris.

"Yes" replied Aphrodite - just like that! Without thinking of the consequences. She knew very well that the most beautiful woman in the world was Queen Helen of Sparta - and Helen was already married! That was sure to cause trouble! But Aphrodite never thought things over - she acted on impulse. Her motto was:

"Love will find a way".

Paris took Aphrodite home to his palace in Troy. There he introduced her to his dashing young uncle, Prince Anchises. Aphrodite fell in love with Anchises as soon as she saw him. It was love at first sight! Aphrodite and Anchises had a baby boy - even though they weren't married! Aphrodite's mother was furious! (They named their son Aeneas, and you can read what happened later in a book called "The Aenaeid").

"Those wicked Trojans!" said Hera "I hate every one of them!"

"They aren't really wicked" said Athene "just silly. They let their hearts rule their heads - just like Aphrodite! No wonder she loves them".

Aphrodite was flighty, but her magic was strong. She made Helen fell in love with Paris at first sight. Helen left her husband, and sailed away to Troy. At first Helen tried to stop herself, but that magic overcame her. Poor Helen - half her love was in Sparta with her husband King Menelaus; and the other half was in Troy with Prince Paris. (Who can blame her? Not even the gods could resist Aphrodite's special magic - not even Zeus himself! Only Athene knew how to resist her sister's wiles - because Athene always kept a very level head).

The Trojan people were proud to find that their little country was hosting the most beautiful woman in the world. They were sure it would get them a lot of space in all the media; and it did - the Trojan War is famous to this very day!

But fame is not always good for the people who become famous.

Helen's husband, King Menelaus, was one of the Twin Kings. His elder twin was Great King Agamemnon THE MOST POWERFUL KING IN GREECE.

The Greeks had lots of little kings in those days: King Odysseus, King Alkinous, and so on. But Great King Agamemnon was their only SUPER KING.

As soon as Great King Agamemnon heard that his sister-in-law had run away with a foreign prince, he stormed off to his younger twin:

"This means war! We must desTroy Troy!" But Menelaus didn't want war. He answered:

"If we go to war, Helen might get hurt. I couldn't bear that!"

"She's a runaway wife" stormed Agamemnon "She deserves to die! If we catch her, you and I will stone her to death!"

"But I love her!" wailed Menelaus "I don't want her to die! And she still loves me".

"What nonsense! How could she love you if she ran away with some Middle-Eastern greaseball?"

"She really does love me - she told me so. The day before she left, she said..."

....and here Menelaus started to cry like a baby, even though he was a big, grown up man....

"... she said: 'Menny darling, I'll always love you. But this is stronger than me. When it's over, I'll be back. Promise me that you will wait for me' Then she kissed me and ran off".

"Never cry over a woman!" snapped Great King Agamemnon "Be a man! Come, you'll feel better after I've helped you stone her to death. Then you can marry some other woman. Cheer up - there'll be another one along in a moment!"

"But I don't want any other woman" sobbed Menelaus "I want Helen. This obsession of hers was sent by Aphrodite; when it has lifted, Helen will come back to me of her own free will".

Agamamnon's irritable face adopted that cold, mask-like expression, which he used whenever he spoke as The Great King:

"THE WORLD ORDER is more important than our personal feelings" said Great King Agamemnon. "I am not just your elder brother - I am the LEADER of THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY. Whoever steals my brother's woman, insults ME. Whoever insults ME insults THE INTERNATIONAL COMMUNITY.
I shall MAKE A CRUSADE against woman-stealers! Goodbye, I'm off to BUILD A COALITION !!

WHOEVER IS NOT WITH US IS AGAINST US !!!".
Great King Agamemnon mobilized his SUPER POWER !! He denounced Troy - said it was an AXIS OF EVIL !! His mighty warships prepared to sail and desTroy Troy.

But there was no wind - his ships couldn't sail.

Said Great King Agamemnon: "Zeus must be angry. I ought to sacrifice to him. Then he will send me a strategically favorable wind".

You'll never believe what he did next. The most precious thing in Agamemnon's palace was his elder daughter, Iphigenia - so he sacrificed her! (I said you'd never believe it - but it was true). The people were never told this dreadful secret - only his family and his KCs (and the gods) knew the terrible truth. Great King Agamemnon sent his KCs to snatch Iphigenia from the palace. His wife was called Klytemnestra. (She was Helen's sister - the twin brothers had married twin sisters). Klytemnestra fought like a wildcat to save her daughter, but the soldiers were too strong for her. They dragged Iphigenia away and tied her to to the stone altar.

Then Agamemnon, wearing a cruel golden mask over his ape-like face, slit Iphigenia's throat, and the thirsty earth drank her dark red blood.

"Here, Zeus" he intoned through his golden mask "accept this sacrifice of my most precious daughter, and send me a strategically favorable wind, so that we can sail away to des-Troy THE AXIS OF EVIL!!"

Agamemnon was a cruel fool. He did not understand that Zeus does not control the winds. He did not understand that the sky gods hated human sacrifice. He did not understand that the dark earth gods would one day come thirsting to drink his own dark red blood, to avenge the blood of innocent Iphigenia. And he would never, ever (not even in Hades) understand why his own wife killed him.

Klytemnestra had to waited to avenge her dead daughter. But she had to wait ten years, because a favorable wind really did spring up after Iphigenia's sacrifice. (It would have sprung up anyway - that is the way with winds). The favorable wind carried Agamemnon's great navy to little countries, to persuade them to BUILD A COALITION. He invited little kings to join THE CRUSADE AGAINST WOMAN-STEALERS!!

One little king came running to join, because he wanted to be the very first to kiss the hand of the Great King. This little king was proud of his SPECIAL RELATIONSHIP. Great Agamemnon gave this little king a pat on the head, and sent him running around as SPECIAL MESSENGER BOY to rally all the other little kings.

But, to Agamemnon's surprise (and intense annoyance) the allies wouldn't rally: the two best fighters, Achilles and Odysseus, wouldn't come at all.

Achilles and Odysseus laughed, and said it was silly to go to war over a runaway wife. It was a case for the Divorce Court. Great King Agamemnon did not like being laughed at; so, because he was a SUPER KING he sailed his SUPER NAVY into tiny Ithaka harbour. He was going to force Odysseus.

Agamemnon commanded Odysseus:

"SHOW UNITY !! JOIN THE COALITION!! WHOEVER IS NOT WITH US IS AGAINST US!!".

Odysseus pretended to be mad, and thus Unfit for Military Service. He yoked his oxen and went down to plough the salty, sandy beach - where nothing ever grows. He even sowed the shifting sands with salt as if it were seed. But Agamemnon said to him:

"I have sacrificed my own daughter to win this war; do you think I will hesitate to sacrifice your son?"

Great King Agamemnon ordered his KCs to snatch baby Telly from his mother's arms. Penelope fought like a wildcat to hang on to her child, but the soldiers were too strong for her. If she had not let go, they would have pulled him to pieces in her arms. They carried baby Telly down to the beach, and Agamemnon laid him screaming on the ground - right in front of Odysseus's plough! If Odysseus hadn't stopped the plough, his baby would have been cut in two by the plough blade, or trampled to death by heavy hooves!

"Whoa!" shouted Odysseus.

"Aha! You're not mad"" said Agamemnon.

Odysseus argued for a month, trying to make the Great King see reason.

Odysseus gave dozens of reasons: a case of Runaway Wife could be easily settled by a few counsellors in a law court; no need to launch a thousand ships and land a thundering, blundering army; their bronze blades would reap a cruel harvest of human lives; almighty Zeus would weigh their cruel harvest in his Scales of Justice; the Scales of Justice would show little profit from this war.

But to every reason, the Great King replied with his ace:
"YAH! SUCKS! BOOH!
I'M BIGGER THAN YOU!
SO YOU WILL DO
WHAT I WANT YOU TO !!

Join us! Otherwise we shall declare your country to be a ROGUE STATE and we shall destroy Ithaka before we desTroy Troy!

WHOEVER IS NOT WITH US IS AGAINST US!"

So, with a heavy heart and a bad conscience, young Odysseus was forced to JOIN THE COALITION because otherwise that SUPER POWER would have destroyed little Ithaka. Odysseus was a great fighter, and it was his famous Wooden Horse Plan ended the war against Troy. But he hated every minute of those ten long years!

Agamemnon then sailed his SUPER NAVY to force young prince Achilles to JOIN THE COALITION !! Achilles was the Greeks' champion fighter, even though he was still only a teenager. His father tried to save Achilles by dressing him up as a girl and sending him to a girl's school! (They enrolled Achilles in the girls school under the name Xena, Warrior Princess).

Great King Agamemnon said to Achilles's father:

"I sacrificed my own daughter Iphigenia to win this war; do you think I will hesitate to kill your son? And then I shall des-Troy your country as well as Troy. WHOEVER IS NOT WITH US IS AGAINST US !!"

Agamemnon sent his KCs to find Achilles. They visited every girls school carrying prizes; all sorts of pretty presents were their prizes - plus some armour! Naturally, "Xena" chose the armour.

"Aha!" said Great King Agamemnon. So Achilles was found out, and compelled to join THE CRUSADE AGAINST WOMAN-STEALERS !!

Achilles brought over his army: the Myrmidons. They were called that because their totem animal was the Ant (Myrmos). Achilles' Myrmidons fought just like the ants: they were numerous, active, fierce and organized.

The insignia of their clan was: "Ex Pluribus Unum" - Many Working as One.

Achilles and his Myrmidons would have made made short work of the Trojan War, if Agamemnon had treated them with respect. But Agamemnon's chimplike mind saw things very simply: he was simply Born to Rule, everyone else was simply Born to Obey. He simply could not see why he, Big A, should respect little kings. So he simply went ahead and insulted Achilles: humiliated him in front of the whole General Staff!

The public were never told how their best generals despised and loathed Agamemnon. Only a few KCs (and the gods) knew.

The public never asked: Why did a SUPER POWER COALITION take ten years to conquer a backward little Middle Eastern country like Troy?

The truth was: Great King Agamemnon never played fair; he stuck relentlessly to the rules when he was winning - but as soon as he started losing, he tried to change the rules. Agamemnon was not only a stupid bully - he was a woman stealer himself! He stole Achille's girlfriend, Briseis - just sent his KCs to snatch Briseis, crying, from Achilles's tent. Achilles protested and called a Council of the Generals. But the General Staff - the top brass of the Allied Army - were supine and spineless because Agamemnon, as their Commander in Chief, simply pulled rank:

"YAH! SUCKS! BOOH!
I'M SENIOR TO YOU!
SO YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO DO
WHAT I ORDER YOU TO !!"

Achilles was so angry that he and his Myrmidons went on strike - for ten years! The allies spent more time quarreling with Agamemnon than fighting the Trojans.

Like most bullies, this Great King was also a Great Coward. He was always asking other people to fight on his side - but the Great King took Great Care never to face the enemy man to man, face to face, one to one . Instead, he preferred to gang up: ten to one, one hundred to one - those were the kind of odds he liked. But most of all he liked to stand far behind the front line (not IN HARM'S WAY) and launch long range missiles with his powerful machines. So everything in this SUPER POWER COALITION was very big, very slow - and not very enthusiastic. While, on the Trojan side, they may have been misguided but they also had heroes who fought bravely to resist invasion by this Super Power.

The truth was: if it had not been for Odysseus and his little band of brave men in the Wooden Horse, the Trojan war would have dragged on forever.

But why was Odysseus afraid to reveal these facts? The reason is: All of the People were fooled so, for a long while, they did not want to hear the truth.

But when Odysseus plucked up courage to tell the facts as he knew them, in public, he made the right decision. Because Queen Arete knew the truth: Zeus, who saw everything when he looked down from Olympus, had told his friend Alkinous; and Alkinous told his wife.

People told Arete their secrets because she was sensible. But Arete also knew something that Odysseus did not know: she knew that Great King Agamemnon was long dead: killed by Klytemnestra - by his own wife!

Klytemnestra, grieving for Iphigenia, waited ten years for her husband's great navy to return. She laid out the red carpet for the great conqueror. Agamemnon had stolen two women as part of his loot from the war. One was Briseis, of course; and his other looted woman was the unhappy Princess Cassandra, whom he had snatched from Troy after killing her father, King Priam.

(Poor Cassandra! She had warned her fellow Trojans what would happen if they did not return Helen. She could foretell the future - but nobody would listen!).

When Klytemnestra saw her husband prancing up the red carpet with a new young woman on each arm, she went beserk! She wrestled a spear from one of the guards and, with the strength of despair pierced right through Agamemnon's armored jacket, and out the back. He fell, writhing around the spear that was fixed through his guts, and slapping the ground to distract himself from pain that was driving him crazy. Then his queen took down a huge battle axe that was hanging on the wall. She lifted that axe high above her head with both hands, and swung it down with her infuriated strength. The bronze blade sliced through Agamemnon's neck. His head and its pain-ridden face rolled on the ground like a football. The thirsty earth drank his dark blood. And that was the end of Great King Agamemnon.

Then his unhappy wife sat down and cried, because she had done a terrible thing. She saw the dark earth gods rising, pressing forward to drink her own blood in revenge. Even worse, she foresaw that her daughter, Electra, and her son, Orestes, would turn against her and take their dead father's side in this dreadful family quarrel. (When you are older, you can read more about this dysfunctional family in a book called "Agamemnon". It tells how Athena ended the cycle of violence by using analysis to talk through the family problem with those two disturbed children, Electra and Orestes,).

Now that you have brushed up on the Trojan War, perhaps you can understand better why Princess Nausikaa's parents did not charge Mr Nomanios with High Treason when they heard him say hard things against Great King Agamemnon in their Royal Court.

But why did King Alkinous invite a foreign KC to compete in his country's Olympic Trials? And could this be Odysseus's big chance to get the People of Phaecia on his side?
Book 8

The story so far: King Alkinous has invited Odysseus to compete in their Olympic Trials. This is Odysseus's chance to get the People of Phaecia on his side. But he has to win the athletic events by himself - Athena will not help him because that would be unfair to the other competitors.

Book 8

The stadium was crowded. Most spectators sat on the stone terraces around the track. Some had standing room only at the back of the top terrace. But King Alkinous, Queen Arete and Princess Nausikaa sat in the Royal Box in front of the finishing line. The competitors sat on wooden benches in front of the Royal Box and waited for their event. The news that Mr Nomanios, the mysterious foreign KC, would also compete made the crowd even more excited. They wondered what events he would enter.

Odysseus chose to compete in three events:

1. Ploughing with Oxen. This was an old fashioned event, but King Alkinous liked to keep it. He was pleased to find that Mr Nomanios also liked that good old sport. (In modern Olympics this event they do Jumping with Horses instead of Ploughing with Oxen; but it is the same idea: man and beast moving as one - in perfect harmony).
2. Archery. Odysseus had a special bow, but it was back home in Ithaka, so he didn't think he would win this event. But even with an ordinary bow and arrow he was quite a good archer.
3. Wrestling. He could win this event because he was very strong and he also knew how to wrestle clever. But Odysseus was cautious. He thought:

"I can get the crowd on my side if I show that I am a champion wrestler. But if I beat their own champion, the crowd may boo me.
So I must give a championship performance but I must not beat the local champion. And I must be extra careful - because if their champion suffers an injury, the people won't lend me a ship to get home."

While Odysseus sat on the competitors bench, pondering his options, Athena's magic had completely worn off, so he didn't look young any longer. He looked his real age: forty five, with a wrinkled neck and hair going grey; and a bald spot on top. On the other hand, he had had a good night's sleep in a comfortable bed, followed by a refreshing shower and an excellent breakfast, so he felt very well. All his own strength had returned: he didn't need Ino's rainbow belt.

The rule of the gods was: no magic at the Olympics - the competition must be fair.

Odysseus went to the ploughing field for his first event. He spoke softly to his oxen, and gently rubbed their muzzles, so they soon got to know Odysseus and trust him. Old King Alkinous liked this event, because it was so old fashioned. He noticed that Mr Nomanios was specially good at turning the plough at the end of each furrow. Alkinous thought:

"Nomanios turns Ithaki style - so I guess he really must come from Ithaka. I wonder ...".

(You see, Ithaka is a very small island, with very small fields; so Odysseus turned his plough very tight round the corners - Ithaki style).

Odysseus didn't win the ploughing event, and nobody expected him to win: because it wasn't his team and the oxen didn't know him well. But the crowd began to like him: first, because Mr Nomanios was their guest and they wanted to be polite; but also because they could see that he was good with animals, and a good sport.

So Alkinous returned to the Royal Box to watch the athletics; and Odysseus sat down again on the Competitors Bench to await his second event. Next to him sat a young athlete, who was Phaecia's best hope to win a gold at the real Olympics in Olympia the following year. (Remember, these were just their Trials to see whom Phaecia should send to the real Olympics). The young hopeful's name was Euryalis (Yuri Ayliss) but everybody called him Super Brat.

Yuri Ayliss was a really good athlete. He was the most famous man in Phaecia (after King Alkinous) but all that publicity had turned him into a spoilt brat. Super Brat was always surrounded by an admiring group of fans and reporters; he just loved hear them call him The Greatest. He even loved the name Super Brat because:

"It shows I'm Super" he told the reporters.

Another name for Yuri Ayliss was The Lip - because he loved flapping his lips to insult athletes who were not as good as he was. He had no idea of Sportsmanship. So when Super Brat sat on the Competitors Bench next to a foreigner forty five years old, with wrinkled skin and thinning hair - he just couldn't help jeering. This was very bad manners because Mr Nomanios was an asylum seeker and a guest in his country. But fame had spoilt Yuri Ayliss. He broke the Law of Hospitality - a law made by Zeus himself:

"A host never insults a guest; and a guest never insults a host. Hospitality is the First Law of Good Manners".

The Lip leaned over to Mr Nomanios and jeered so loud that everybody could hear - not only the reporters but the whole crowd heard The Lip jeer:

"Old timer, there's so much white in your hair, you look like a sugar cake. What's a geriatric like you doing on the Competitor's Bench? Forgotten your wheelchair!"

Super Brat thought he was being smart, but he wasn't - he was just being rude. King Alkinous frowned angrily: here was his best athlete, Yuri Ayliss, breaking the first law of his best friend, Zeus. Queen Arete's grey eyes gleamed with a steel-hard glint. Nausikaa winced with embarrassment; she thought:

"What will our guest think of us? Oh, I'm so ashamed I could die, I could just die!"

But Odysseus saved the situation. He was not the least bit angry. After silently rejecting the temptation to snap this young whippersnapper's spine across his mighty knee, Odysseus asked quietly:

"Young man, what is your event?"

"Shot put. I'm the best shotputter in Phaecia, and I'm going for gold at Olympia".

Odysseus rose, stripped off his warm-up robe, and stood ready for action:

"Why not enter me in your event, so we can all have a laugh when this oldtimer tries to put shot."

Super Brat took in the oldtimer's brawny arm. Afraid of competition, he shouted:

"Officially you can't enter without primaries!"

"Oh yes, he can" said a voice from the Royal Box. Mr Nomanios is my guest; he can enter any event he likes. Unofficially".

King Alkinous appreciated how Mr Nomanios had got him off the hook. He said to himself:

"Offering to compete against Yuri as a joke - smart move. If Nomanios loses, well he said he didn't mind if we all have a good laugh - so no hard feelings; if he wins as a foreign guest, it's unofficial - so Yuri can still go to Olympia. I must say, this Ithakan is really crafty. I wonder.... "

So the judges announced that the shotput would include an unofficial event: the Mysterious Mr Nomanios was going to entertain them with some very unusual putting.

The crowd was in good humor. This event was their greatest hope for Olympia; and there would be a novelty event as bonus.

Yuri Ayliss picked up the big round ball of heavy metal and tensed his muscles. His adrenalin was flowing well. He wanted to show that he really was The Greatest. He poured all his strength and skill - body and soul - into that one ball. The heavy metal flew from his hand like a bird and soared over the field as if it had wings. It landed with a thud, far beyond the mark - Yuri had established a new record! The judges put the Victor's Laurel Crown on his head - a simple wreath of green bayleaves, which was prized more than gold in those far off days.

The crowd went wild! If Yuri could repeat this performance at Olympia, their little country of Phaecia would most likely win. They chanted:

"Yuri Ayliss! Yuri Ayliss!"

The sound was music to Super brat's ears. So everybody was in a very high spirits when Mr Nomanios came on to do his stunt. The loud speakers (not electric loudspeakers but heralds chosen for their Stentorian loud voices) announced that Mr Nomanios had requested not to use the official ball: his stunt was unofficial, so could he use one of the boundary stones instead? The crowd laughed because these big boundary stones are heavy; an ordinary man could hardly lift one. They thought Mr Nomanios was clowning, so they yelled and laughed:

"Go ahead, bring him the stone! hah! hah! hah!"

Then the Stentorian speakers announced that Super Brat was part of the act - he would carry the rock to the competitor.

Super Brat tried to get out of it: "I'm an athlete, not a porter!"

But the crowd thought this was only part of the clowning, so they roared: "Super Brat! Bring him the stone!
Super Brat! Bring him the stone!"

King Alkinous nodded so Super Brat to obey. He hefted the stone with both hands, clutching it to his middle because it was so heavy. He felt he was about to suffer a rupture. The crowd tittered as he staggered with his load to where Odysseus was standing. Super Brat dropped the heavy rock in front of Mr Nomanios and jumped back in a hurry - he had almost dropped it on his own big toe! The crowd laughed at his clowning, and chanted again:

"Yuri Ayliss! Yuri Ayliss"

They thought Yuri was being a good sport, as well as a champion. But Super Brat didn't like being laughed at. His face went white with rage as he sat back on the Competitors Bench:

"After all, I'll have the last laugh -